I Live. I Laugh. I Love.
Life in Taiwan.

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Dear Jared

Dear J. Lewis,

I know you will never see this blog post, so I am going to write whatever I want here. When was the last time I saw you? In 2007? I don't even remember. I just know it has been really long time. Both of us only see each other on Facebook occasionally. I don't know you pay attention on my Facebook status or not, but I know you do. I do the same thing, too. Sometimes, I just want to know how your life is, and stop by on your Fcaebook to see your current life events. 

It looks like you haven't changed a bit. You are still you, the same person I have known since 2005. I still rememberd you told me you will never change for who you are. I am wondering, is it still true? I have changed. You probably still remembered how insane and wild I was. Well, I still have that wild gene inside my blood, but I become not to get emotional easily, in the other hand, maybe I can say I become more sense (I don't even know, is that right word to describe me now?). 

I keep asking myself, during 2006 summer, why didn't you kiss me when you had chance? We were sitting on the floor in the living room at your parent's house, and watching Unfaithful (what a great movie or catalyst, ha). We talked a lot about ourselves. We were so closed. You touched my hair, and stopped. Few days later I flew back to Taiwan, I made an epic ( I called it epic, because I spent a lot of time to do it) bithday card and sent it to you. You were amamzed and impressed how I did and how sweet I was. 

When I flew back to Stillwater to finish my last year of college, you invited me to go out, eventually we did something we shouldn't do, and I felt it totoally ruined our relationship. Because I never thought we would ever go that far, I was regret. You probably thought I was crazy and nonsense. Yes, I was! Sometimes, I blamed you made me go too far. But, you know what, because I loved you. I loved you, so I missed you insanely. 

We did it again before you moved to NM. I was content I had you before you left. I knew it wasn't your ideal decision to move that fay away. The reality told you to do so, and so did I. I moved to a town I loved, and finished my grad school. Honestly, I really missed my college life. Without you and Wooley, my college life would be worthless. You introdcued the trance music and BT, and invited me to the American house party which I dreamed to go. Thank you so much for giving me such wonderful college memories. 

Few years later, I got married, because of some circumstances, I had no choice to marry someone who never asked me to marry him. I am happily married, no doubt. I don't regret my choice. Being married is not that bad, despite all the dramas came with other people. People say, you don't marry the one who you love the most, you marry someone who you know you can live and trust forever. I am married a guy who loves me, tolerates my temper, understands my mood swings, and makes me happy. However, I wish it could be you. You were the one I wanted to be with. You were the one that got away from my hand (or according to our definitions, it never happened). 

When will I see you next time? I don't know. I think about you often. I wish I could just message you like we used to. I missed you, and still miss you. I dreamt about if we were really together since 2007, were we happily togerther? Were we even married? Would you even think to move back to Taiwan with me someday? Faith is funny and tricky. We live in parallel world now. You are in the other side of earth. We look the same sky, sun, moon, and stars. Do you even think of me once?